This post has absolutely nothing to do with traveling with a small child, unless you consider the beat-the-bad weather excursion known as walking through Target and Costco until your small child is suitably exhausted, and guaranteed to fall asleep the instant you buckle him into his car seat, a journey. And some days? I think it should count.
If you suffer from The Crazy, have you ever wished there was a way to know you were in for a particularly difficult day before you stumbled out of bed? You know what kind of day I’m talking about. The kind of day where you snap “Asshole!”at your small child,the waffles burst into flame even on the lowest toaster setting, and your coffee pot malfunctions leaving a path of sticky, black goo covering it’s heating element, and grinds in your cup.
The kind of day where you’re about to become stuck in heavy traffic next to a brand-spanking new truck full of bio-diesel, and you have to talk The Inner Crazy down from an irrational fear that said truck might explode the instant you pull up beside it? When your right hand loosens its grip on the steering wheel to turn up You Belong To Me to calm the fuck down? Or as a friend of mine said recently “when you break down and sob in the shower, and you’re not really sure why.
I mentioned my desire for some kind of Mental Health Thermometer to James as he was leaving for work, and he answered
“You mean, like if when you woke up your arm turned bright purple, so you would know to take a higher dose of Wellbutrin?”
Today I’m goddamn Grimace.