Dazed and Confused

An epic tantrum just wound down. When I picked Max up at school this afternoon, he collapsed into a heap in the hallway, blocking a bunch of Bugaboos and of course, earning me the Stare of Death. He was still tantrumming ten minutes later when I peeled him off the floor and somehow managed to get him strapped into his car seat. Still wailing as I pulled out into traffic. (Still screeching nearly 45 minutes later after arriving at our house.)

After throwing a shoe at my head and barking, he started to demand

I…wu…wuu…waaa…want to heaaaahhh…..Coming ‘Round the Mount…the mount…THE MOUNT!…aiiiiin…annnnnnnnnnn

Eyes on the road, I turned the classical music station, breathed deeply and tried to locate my Inner Goddess of Mothering. When the bitch failed to appear, I scanned over to the classic rock station, and the Pilot began to dance to dueling divas.

Max: Puuu…puuu…puhlease! IHATEYOUIHATEYOUIHATEYOU! I want a treat! I waa…waaaaannnnnt a TREAT! My kneee hurts! Muh kneee hurts!

Mom Voyage and Robert Plant: I’ve tried to do all those thiiiiings the best I caaaaan

Max: I want a letter cookie! I want, I want, *hiccup* I hate you, I want…..

Mom Voyage and Robert Plant: GOOOOOD TIMES…..BAAAD TIMES….YOU KNOW I’VE HAD MY SHARE!

Max: I want, I want, I WANT, I WAAAAAAAAANT MY GOD DAMN MUSIC NOW. YOU ARE NOT LISTENING TO ME, MOMMY. MOMMY! Moooooommy! MOMMY! I HAte you, Mommy!

Robert Plant & Mom Voyage, pulling in front of the house, perfect timing I don’t care what the neighbors saaaaaaayyyyyyy

Max: Is daddy home? Is he is he is he is HE??? Daaaaadddyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Mom Voyage: Ah, sweet! Back-to-back Zeppelin Baby, baby, baby, I’m gonna leave you……

Am I the only one parenting through a communication breakdown?

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5 responses to “Dazed and Confused

  1. Aaaah, the memories…of no more than a week ago.

    Sometimes, though, I wish I could have a total freaking meltdown like that. I think I’d sleep really well after that.

    (and I crank the radio, too. hey, if I can’t control what my son is saying, I’ll at least control the part I have to hear)

  2. I turn up the radio when my kids are having meltdowns in the car. I tell them all the time that I will listen when they are calmed down and not a minute sooner.

  3. Aviva is my most tantrummy child. Noah had maybe 3 tantrums when he was a toddler, Lilah went through a brief tantrum stage when she was 2, but Aviva is the master of this domain. It’s an everyday thing. It sucks. No advice, just empathy 🙂

  4. Yet again I am grateful for having no car. Dealing with the meltdowns in one for the few days we rented one in the summer was bad enough.

    Ros is having some difficulties lately, and we’re working through them. If she was in school, she’d be JUST like Max.

    It’s official. Neither of them can ever leave the house for school. EVER.

  5. Ahhh! Gotta love when they goddamn you in public!

    My favorite Thanksgiving memory is when S was not quite 2. My grandpa was tickling her feet in the high chair, and she giggled and said, “Stop, Papa!”

    He did it one more time, and she glared at him and snarled, “Goddamn it, I said stop!”

    Good times.

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