Make Way For Fucklings

Yesterday I was thumbing through a Suze Orman book, and came to the inevitable passage about how you need your environment to be clean in order to make way for positive energy, wealth, fame and everything else. So, I cleaned out the fridge, started several other cleaning projects, took the trash outside and promptly locked myself out of the house.

Of course I had on ratty old shorts, a tank top with no bra and was dripping sweat. Of course one of the neighbors was outside staring in disgust at this:

I have not seen a unit like this since childhood and have no idea how it ended up in front of my house.

Max would not answer the phone or respond to my messages asking to be let in, so I had no choice but to break a window. And pour myself a large glass of wine after I was safely inside again.

Then a few hours later, one of the comic store employees stopped by with an adolescent cat who followed another employee into the shop. The kitty is very cute, but I have enough things that poop and demand my attention. Since I have two other cats, one of which has a heart condition, and since the poor little stray has a cut and possible bite on her neck, she is quarantined in a large pet tent in the bathroom. I’m going out to double check the missing cat signs scattered around the neighborhood, and if none match her description, I’m taking her to the vet this afternoon for an exam and shots. Hopefully she’ll find a nice home, but I’m doubtful as her stomach seems a bit swollen, and I fear she may be with kittehs herself.

Suze Orman, fear my wrath. I’m never cleaning to make way for new things again. Antique washing machines and a third cat were not what I was hoping to receive.

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13 responses to “Make Way For Fucklings

  1. LOL! Because of the controversy that you blogged about a few days ago, I learned that there are “A list” bloggers. With posts like this one, you’re so very “A list” in my book.

  2. Oy gevalt.

    If Noah wasn’t allegic, I’d take the stray for you.

    I hate Suze even more now 😉

  3. Thanks FW (never know if it is OK to use real names) and Cori!

    Just got back from the vet. The cat is a girl, and about 6 months old. We need to keep her isolated from other pets and people for a couple of months as a precaution since she has a cut on her chin of unknown origin. She is otherwise healthy, but was not spayed previously so could be with children. No visible babes, but you know how a mother worries. 😉 Poor thing only weighs 4 pounds.

    Can I get an OY OY ?

    The upshot was the vet and staff were outrageously kind, as were the other people waiting. I’m having the other cats and the dog’s records faxed tomorrow and switching everyone over.

    Bonus: As I walked down the street I was *thrilled* to see the retro washing machine had been removed. YAY!

  4. I am so happy to hear how other perfectly sane people get locked out of their houses.

    Tavi locked us out a couple of weeks ago while she was in the house alone without a diaper on and vomiting tacos. Our neighbor is a fireman and luckily, I just happened to have a window unlocked on the main floor.

    One of my favorite SNL skits is when Kristin Wiig is SO professing her love for home shopping network jackets.

  5. SO = Suze Orman, no an empathic “So!”

  6. The instructions were to keep her isolated for a couple of months? Where will she live for that couple of months? That’s really cool that you found a nice vet office.

    I feel like the skunk in Bambi: You can call me Flower if you want to . . . lol. I don’t use my real name on my blog, but you can call me Sarah if that’s what seems natural in comments, etc.

    Unfit Mother, that’s so funny about Suze Orman’s jackets. Thanks for the laugh!

  7. Thanks for sharing this! I shall NOT clean my house today! ;O

  8. We’ve put up some posters around the shop, using the pic above. Wish us luck!

  9. Oh I love that kitty. Anyway I totally lol’s at your housecleaning getup (especially w/ no bra) because as soon as I get home from work (and on my days off ) I strip off the bra and get into my long jammies. I am ghetto and fabulous like that!

    P.S. I have very large and flappy bloobs. I should go nowhere w/out a bra. HA!

  10. Awww, she’s beautiful! I hope she finds a good home, too 🙂

    That whole cleaning things makes a bit of illogical sense; my life is always better when my house is clean.

    Now I’m afraid that I, too, will get antique washing machines and stray kitties!

  11. That is fucking hilarious!!!

    Clear out the bad feng shui, then watch the broken appliances and stray cats converge.

  12. I have nightmares about being locked out of the apartment and trying to convince Lucy to let me in. This is why I never even take the trash down the hall without hauling both kids with me.

    What a lovely kitty. I hope she finds a home soon!

  13. It turns out that the washer and drier was a delivery — a week early — for a condo-neighbor who was out of town. No one told us, left a note, or anything, so someone on Craigslist got a deal after it sat in our yard for a week.

    And still no luck on the kitty. Anyone want it?

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